One frog. One dream. One Sacred Gantt Chart, stolen and hidden behind three layers of Agile ceremony.
"They turned my 18-month project plan into 'sprints'. SPRINTS. I'm a frog. I hop on a SCHEDULE."
— Froggy, CEO, in an all-hands nobody attended
His wife, Mrs. Froggy — certified scrum master, qualified delivery manager, and right as usual — packed him a lunch and a laminated Agile Manifesto. She believes in him. And in iterative delivery.
← → / A D to move · Space / W / ↑ to jump · Stomp the Agile. Collect the coffee.
247 tasks. 1,043 dependencies. A critical path you could frame and hang above the fireplace.
"Look at it. LOOK AT IT. Every task has a start date AND an end date. No 'velocity'. No 'vibes'. Just dates. Beautiful, immovable dates."
Froggy wept. The waterfall flowed once more. 🐸📊
Mrs. Froggy: "It's a lovely chart, dear. We'll review it together — every two weeks, small adjustments."
Froggy: "...those are sprints."
Mrs. Froggy: "💚"